This email was sent out to all staff. Who knew anyone could write so much about a copy machine?
"The new copier is AMAZING!" - Maybe Jason Edwards
"What is this demonry?!" - Probably Gutenberg
If you somehow missed the abundance of burly moving people or superfluous suits standing around in the staff room yesterday, the copier in the main copy room has been ENHANCED.
Unlike previously, it matches the decor of the other copiers.
Which may be a result of it being the same Fuji Xerox brand.
Bad news for rainforests.
And of all, it will jam and breakdown less than the last one.
Unfortunately, it will not duplicate you.
How Do I Manipulate The Magical Duplicator?
To use this supernatural machine, you will be logging in with the same IDs you've used on the copiers around campus.
The previous ID you used on the Canon will no longer be honored.
You may forget it when ready.
At this time, none of us are experts at using this technological terror.
But that doesn't mean you can't ask us questions about it.
If you have any troubles, as usual you can contact us at REDACTED.
If you have common jobs like booklets and folding and stapling and other mystical paper crafts that you have to spend a lot of time setting up on the copier, we'd like to know.
If you have other suggestions about the copier, you can use the same form as well.
Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto,